the last few weeks I’ve been thinking a bit about body image, namely my own warped perception of how I think I look versus how I actually look, how I feel about it
I’ve come to notice how I feel I look depends greatly on who I stand next to, I’ve always felt, big and awkward, I’ve occasionally taken this to be Fat but, big and Awkward fits on so many levels, at 5’9 I stand the same height on average most males (lucky for me the boy is 6’3) and at least half a head taller than most females I encounter…… there’s the big feeling for you being as tall as those I should be shorter than by some warped perception of society, and taller than those I should stand the same height as
when I stand in a room of people averaging 6’ tall I feel kind of small , when I walk with and talk to someone around 5’, I feel extraordinarily tall
I am not graceful, at all, as I know it, i have to work hard on balance and co-ordination, but I am strong, I know that, a recent strength test a the Gym proved that, the aim was for max 10 reps, leg press, i started at 60kg and it took 6 sets raising the weight each time to finally get to the point that I struggled to get started then only just made it through the 10, at 127kg, it’s something I’m pleased with, also proof that I am capable of more than is expected
working on body image is hard when all that really matters is in your head, reality if I were long and lean I would struggle more than I do to do some of my work, the fact that I can stand on my steel cap to be [____________________] that much taller to reach, i can get down with my legs behind me to shift that heavy thing/stiff bolt are bonuses.
I know if I want to I can get dolled up and feel like a princess it doesn’t really matter to me how others perceive my shape and size, it’s all about feel, learning to focus on the good feels and ignoring the rest is perhaps something to work on self perception and values around image are very hard to change