Right now, my head is not the nicest of places to be. Aside from the touch of flu floating around, clogging everything up, making it hard to see let alone think.
There is that ever present Hormonal element. the demons that are always there waiting to strike, that dark cold lonely place ready to open up and swallow me where no one can reach to bring warmth, no amount of tears and holding can even take the edge off. the constant drive to just curl up in a ball and somehow disappear.
In that little hole I work hard at keeping it all together. The simplest things lead me down a path of self loathing and hate at the world and those around me. a poorly worded message with good intentions. An act that leaves me even more empty (if that’s possible) than before, holding back useless tears.
and then as the wave passes, the sun is shining again, my view on those little things that caused me rage is unchanged, but the weight is gone, I’m still upset but I no longer feel the need to drive my fist into a wall (or someone’s face), that urge to find a physical release of that inner pain is easing, I can breath again, relax, feel, the drain has stopped. we are back at square one, life is ok (not great just ok), things are enjoyable, going outside is a consideration, talking is possible, exhaustion is there, rest is a must.