a few things lately have got me thinking, a weekend BBQ for the boys dads birthday bil (as in the boy’s youngest brother) bounds up the stairs as is his way and says “wow your looking great” …… cue blush…. and on leaving “what ever you are dong keep it up you really are looking great” someone else mentioned something along those lines too, actually many someone elses have made similar comments, watch that ego grow, it makes me feel great, inspired to get out and exercise to eat right get a haircut, have some pampering get out and enjoy life again. sadly all I usually cop are comments about my “bucket arse”, and tonight I went fishing for something nice when I saw an ad for an up and coming episode of one of the current affairs shows about jeans that can make any figure look good, “bet they can’t make my figure look good” I say, “I don’t know I haven’t seen your figure for a while” he says (what you never looked any of the times I’ve come from the shower in bra an knickers) ” you were running your hands over it this morning” I remind him, “I was just warming you up you were cold”,”yeah but surely you feel”(come on get the hint man)…..”aww yeah I spose you’ve lost some weight in your bum since you’ve been working more rather than sitting on it” (ugh) ” what do you want me to say?” he asks “try you don’t need them you look good anyway” ……… sigh the only person I want a compliment from and I can’t get it, even with fishing, I know I shouldn’t fish
on top of that last week while I was catching up on mail he was outside going mad at the princess because she wanted him to help her on her bike and he wanted her to do it by herself like they had worked up to a few days before… I yelled out try being nice in response to his “what will it take to get you to do it again” and copped why don’t you get out here off you iPhone and be a proper mother you skank…… nice, I came very close to walking out on that I hate the thought of the princess thinking being spoken to like that is ok I hate that and other events from way in the past have me thinking, questioning, what am I doing? why am I still here? is there a better way? should I speak up and tell him what I’m thinking? what I’m feeling?