Advent blog a long day 15

This is where I remember why I don’t so much like Christmas

For me I’m pretty sure there has always been a deep sadness associated with this time of year , from maybe 8 to perhaps 16 I could barely bring myself to eat Christmas breakfast lunch or dinner and usually from the week before to around school starting, I don’t know why but I always felt on the verge of chucking and the same deep homesick like sadness that occasionally creeps up on me during the year

I wonder sometimes if it is the amount of pressure applied by everyone to do this that or the other, or maybe knowing that I have 25 or so people surrounding me all day followed by a sudden nothing …….. Mum always thinks it’s related to the Newcastle earthquake …… No that we were overly involved but we were in the Nelson bay cinema watching the opening credits of “Oliver and company” and it sounded like the projector was coming through the wall
I will say I had the same tight throat feeling in the five or so minutes before then as I do at this time of year but I’m not sure it could be completley related

I do think I am horribly hormonal at the moment, aunty maybe….. The weather perhaps, maybe I’m just plain grumpy, yet again with the pressure

“what are you doing at Christmas”
“won’t you come visit us”
“come to this do bring this salad(insert salad I have never made in my life here)”
“What do you want for Christmas ”
“What can X Y and Z get you ”
“We want to see miss at Christmas”
“Mum is upset because you aren’t coming for Christmas lunch”
” what do you mean by working night shift that week, so you won’t be doing any thing then”

Arrrtrgh I really want to find a nice dark warm cupboard to curl up in and stay till the season is over somebody can pass me some turkey and I’ll be right

Until then I’ll go on with life as always, slipping in a nap here and there hiding tears over nothing that keep sneaking up and dreaming of more relaxed happier times

On a better note I completed Js present Last night and miss had a whole day in the one pair of undies wooohoo, only problem now is stopping her from using potty to get out of going to bed without her losing trust in telling us she has to go

For now it’s off to bed for an early night for me


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